Resurrection.

Photo taken by James Estrin for the New York Times.

I was born on Good Friday, and always felt its meaning because of the extreme violence and injustice of my past. Today is a day of resurrection. The New York Times published an article about my advocacy work. I'm in Philadelphia to speak at University of Pennsylvania about sex trafficking and healing. It's the start of a very industrious time of using what I learned to help create change. The Unconditional Model teachings are centered around examining our own inner and outer power dynamics, so that we can use our position of authority as providers or teachers or friends to reverse the trauma story for the people whom we work with or care for.

Every child freely gives love and expects authority figures to return that love just as freely. Children only expect wonderful things from the adults who care for them, because they are pure, and free of darkness. When that expectation is betrayed, and the child is abused, a lie is introduced, stoking the fear that "I am not lovable," or "I am not innocent," etc. The teachers that go into the prisons with me to share yoga are often seen as authority figures just because we teach. The idea is that we go against expectations - the expectations that get built up from previous and current trauma, where students seek the familiar result they know from past authority figures. Seeking, for example, confirmation of the familiar, painful lie, that "I am not lovable," or a variant such as "No one loves me," or "No one understands me."

Positive affirmation is great, but usually positive messages can’t be received by a trauma survivor, unless the dynamics of the trauma story are activated. When we are seen as authority figures because we teach, we enter that into that subtle power dynamic, knowing that pleasing and flattering behavior towards authority figures is often a fawning response that comes from fear. We go against students' expectation that we indeed are scary, that we will judge them or get angry if they don’t do as we say - an authoritative attitude pretty much constantly repeated in their environment. Will we, the yoga teachers, also push the lie that they are undeserving, or unlovable? We may be tested, but the teachers that go in with me are trained to neither judge when tested or be fooled by flattery. We have to remain humble and present for the other person. After we've gone against our students' expectations a few times in this way, in that we are perhaps in a position of authority (for them) and we do not misuse that power to lift ourselves up, to make ourselves feel bigger and better, when we can convey that we really do not need the placating, and after they feel that we are safe and we have observed the testing behavior and not projected down on them, not started acting like the angry, scary authority figure they feared we were, confusion results. The not knowing makes them vulnerable. This is a crucial moment. This is the moment when the trauma dynamics of power and fear-based positive projection and then the power-based negative projection dissolve and the student feels the underlying fear.

The fear that is revived in this vulnerable moment can be the very same as was experience during the prior abuse. When we witness such a moment, we are in a unique position to undo the lie and affirm the reality of that soul. This is the moment when the student can absolutely absorb a true positive message. We affirm something positive about them, something we have observed and know is true, hopefully exactly the opposite of the lie they were made to accept about themselves in the moment of the abuse. Thus the psychic process of abuse is reversed, and innocence is restored. I have been on the receiving end of such affirmations and seen its power with others. The affirming statement has its impact and can change that person's life forever. This has been my own journey. I've been healed by the mercy of the kind-hearted who had enough self-love and awareness to love me in those rare moments I was receptive. They were the agents for many resurrections. Happy Easter.