A House On Shaky Ground
Versailles, 1981
The house came down.
The summer that was to have no vacations has yielded more beaches, vistas and exotic splendor than I could have dreamed, after a big internal shift occurred. I healed from abuse from my main perpetrator, which was more deeply rooted and insidious than my own family’s.
This philanthropic family to which my perpetrator belonged has a complex and faultless cover, that makes its members, staff and slaves included, appear grounded, simple, as though their values are the real deal. These values ignore an intricate family dysfunction hiding deeply rooted incest, sexual and satanic abuse. Members of that family must have been through the wringer of sexual abuse, and must use the family value system, to some degree, to cope with their unresolved trauma - just as I did.
As a mind controlled child, I had a perfect front. In my adult life my trauma was hidden from myself and the world. I had the same values that work very well in a world which has its very culture imposed upon it through the influence of this family. It’s like you’re living the real thing of what everyone else is striving for - that is what it feels like. It’s a subtle arrogance that makes you fee a little different, not necessarily better than other people. You know things are easier for you but you don’t know why. The family know it’s not because of their money; the surviving slaves know it’s not because of their intelligence. It is rather a certain brand of denial that came with our indoctrination, the kind on which the entire power structure of Western society is hinging.
In the family it is expressed, for example, through sincere love for nature and its abundance even as it is exploited through ownership and exclusive access. Over the centuries large parcels of land have been donated to the public, hiding the hypocrisy and shoring up the family’s reputation. It is expressed through their eye for art, as they shaped entire movements only to inflate the market so it could serve as a front for their dirty money. Yet they sincerely believe when mentioning in some interview that their love of beauty simply drew them to this or that piece, or they happened to personally know the artists before they became known.
The denial of the front persona is the most important aspect of the ease that creates that special feeling.
The special feeling is one of belonging not only to the larger group of elite global influencers, but to a core family inside that group. As a child slave, as long as I believed that everything that happened to me was perfect and good and that I was incredibly lucky to be a chosen one, I was also made to feel that I belonged to one of the world’s most prominent dynasties. I, too, was indoctrinated into the easeful veneer of a life of highly privatized simplicity and charm, where sexual abuse of children was natural and normal.
It works as long as you ignore the deep fault line under the ground on which such a house is built. My personal “house” recently crumbled and collapsed as I got in touch with the horror hiding underneath that ease; with the painful reality of a dictatorial torture control system in which there is no room for dissension or any personal freedom. The false persona that was built through mind control had the semblance of freedom and ease. How relaxed one can be, resting in the confidence of being a perfect slave!
I’ve spent enough time in that dungeon. Having been outcast, there were no prospects of beautiful destinations this summer, but as the healing progressed the universe arranged itself for me to unexpectedly travel extensively. With new awareness I can choose to enjoy the fruits of the inner work: peace of mind and gratitude for everything. I can experience the world’s beauty and just as easily look without blinking at the ugliness.
There is a bigger house awaiting an even bigger earthquake - one that will finally collapse the lies. That house is those families engaged in abusive leadership that shape our culture, and the earthquake is our collective awakening.