Time for Truth
First years in NYC, circa 1985
Of late, I feel insulted quite a bit. I take it personally when the occidental yogis who make up a large part of my day-to-day environment liberally share uninformed opinions about the dark power system, condemning “conspiracy theories.” The loudest voices at this time are from a few yoga leaders, who may generally criticize the vertical power system while benefiting from it. Their soapboxes were crafted like model trains built on the mountain of their undeniable privilege. As if unable to understand the advantage of their position, they believed they also built that mountain. Some yogi men are losing followers who previously thought their uninspired insights deep and substantial. In their grateful support, the fans became the mountain that sustained the soapbox.
Many followers are shifting, waking up, recognizing their own wisdom runs deeper, garnered from personal experience, suffering and healing, which sharpens discernment and reveals these yogi’s mediocrity and desire to belong to the mainstream, in fact to become the mainstream, in fact to simply have power. Suddenly these mild-mannered yoga teachers have turned into bullies, following the prompts of the media and ridiculing anyone who disagrees with them, avoiding respectful conversation, aggressively defending their opinions.
As they loudly assert their ignorance, underneath that crumbling mountain, their most deeply buried fears, unfelt pain and humiliations threaten to be unearthed. Yet therein lies the key for growth: to feel pain and thus, through experience of yoga concerned with consciousness expansion, grasp the larger picture of what may be going on in the world.
Calling inquiry a “conspiracy theory” is a personal insult to me, because my own story is called that by many. I even receive messages from people claiming they have researched my story and came to the conclusion that I am a mythomaniac, trying to get attention, or that I am crazy. “Inconsistencies,” they point out, “invalidate my story.”
I think if someone starts out looking to discredit my story, because its veracity would upset their world-view and threaten their relationship with authority figures, they could focus on elements that I add over time, as certain pieces of the puzzle of my past continue to fall into place. Sometimes I reveal a certain new aspect or detail. There is still so much that I have remembered and have not shared, because it is so extreme and difficult.
Sometimes new puzzle pieces correct previous memories. For example, I had the number seven in my head as my age when a little boy was killed in the network. Mentally, he was very young, and I knew he was two years younger, so I thought he was five. I had never remembered the space in which he had been killed, but I remembered the adults and where I was positioned. I remembered the boy, his innocence, his unbearable sweetness, his face, his struggle, his voice, his screams. And I remembered how I had promised to protect him, failed him, and the lifelong guilt and pain I experienced over his murder. I knew that I had been raped during this torture, but not by whom, until that famous billionaire rapist died a few years ago and his picture was all over the internet, and I recognized him from a photo taken the year of the boy’s murder. And then, many more pieces fell into place. I realized that I had in fact been nine years old, not seven, which had been the age of the boy. There was significance in the number seven, and I had transposed it. Slowly, the sinister picture of the Satanic ritual that took the life of that sweet child came into view. How I wish that it was part of a crazy conspiracy theory and none of it were true.
I know from personal experience that the most powerful people on earth are busy exerting nefarious control, using the media and Hollywood and education for mass brainwashing, capable of creating global crises such as war and disease. Using the term “conspiracy theory” to blame anyone who disagrees with your viewpoints places you in the camp of the newly privileged. It is about grasping overarching intent. Mostly, those who perpetuate mainstream brainwashing content do so because they cannot believe that the global authority figures could be evil.
This inability to understand psychopathy behind the scenes of the world stage harks back to the inability to cognize one’s own darkness, one’s own emotional numbness and dissociation, resulting from one’s own unfelt childhood pain, covered by shame, in turn covered by privilege and power. The lies are vast. It is hard to recognize that you have been lied to about almost everything, for your entire life, by your parents and by the authorities who became stand-in parents later in life. It takes courage to look behind the veil of the story your family perpetuated, and behind the stories the media churns out.
Every time anyone breaks through some deeply held shame, it turns out to be about having been hurt, and having protected the one who did the hurting - the shame never belonged with us. Fear, when it is externalized, turns into aggression, and these good people are now riding their privilege train to aggressively shut down anyone questioning mainstream opinion.
The current events and unprecedented measures of control are very much in line with what my abusers were already working on in the 1970’s: to establish world domination through a centralized financial control system. Those behind these maniacal plans are the sickest, most immature humans who have no access to their soul, who kill children, who have zero qualms about anything, who are dead inside and understand nothing about what it is to be human, who are themselves the greatest slaves, the spiritually poorest, drowning in a material sea of emptiness.
As their child sex slave, I saw the side they couldn’t show to anyone else: the scared, weak, hurt, humiliated, deadened little boy hiding underneath their Mount Everest of privilege, entitlement and power. Can you imagine what it must be like, to be abused from infancy, robbed of self-esteem, and at the same time, constantly be made to feel that you are better than everyone else? Can you imagine the isolation, the terrible trap in which privilege and power become the sole substitute for a semblance of self worth?
The entire power system is based on ignoring one’s victimization, which, suppressed, rears its head with the help of power, and justifies creating new victims; top to bottom. Those invested in climbing the social ladder are similarly cut off from victim parts, running away from their pain, supported by the entire paradigm, and doing harm to greater or lesser degrees. This paradigm is unsustainable. This paradigm alone is responsible for all the earth’s woes. This paradigm is crumbling.
Suspicion towards official channels is warranted. Inquiry into intentions and behind-the-scenes operations is in no way dismissive or disrespectful of people getting sick and dying. I personally provide weekly yoga/mediation videos for the staff at a hospital in the Bronx, one of the hardest hit in the country, and have been busier than ever in various forms of service. Meanwhile, the psychopathic controllers behind our leaders, with our help to the degree we are duly indoctrinated, can and will orchestrate massive events to magnify and further their attempts to take full control.
Look at 9/11, and what happened in the wake of that tragedy. I witnessed it from my window in Brooklyn. When the first tower fell, this small thought came: “That doesn’t make sense". The fire was too high up, the building too tall - it did not seem feasible that this tower could collapse on itself the way it did. I repressed that little thought, until a group of architects and engineers started to ask questions. They never shared an opinion on what they they thought actually happened, they only found holes in the official narrative and the commission report and have been steadfast in their inquiry, which continues to this day. They do it in honor of the fallen, out of respect of the families of the victims, and for the sake of truth. I hope that we can emulate them, and ask questions, for the sake of the fallen, for their families, and for truth.