My Little Friend

On the RWRS shoot March 4, 2017

There was a mentally disabled boy in the network, whose innocence was unaffected by the abuse. On the set of shoot in New York, I spoke about the sex trafficking bill, and also shared more about my story. There is always something rising to the surface, to be worked out more fully, to offer deeper understanding. The mentally disabled boy had been on my mind. I loved him. He was maybe seven years old, and I was nine. I wanted very badly to protect him, his innocence and sweetness, which I thought I had already lost. I seemed so much older and more in control. He didn't survive. In honoring that boy's life by telling his story, and feeling that pain, I also reclaimed my own child self. Yesterday a collaborator treated me with condescension. My survivor's guilt would have overlooked his offensiveness in the past, but a new boundary is up. I can’t be a substitute mother, there to receive some young part’s unresolved anger that is unconsciously thrown at me. Not anymore. Basic respect is the foundation of any relationship, and if this is missing, I lose nothing.